Do you sometimes, feel that you lack the inner strength to take action, act assertively or be persistent?
Are there any habits you want to change, but you lack the necessary willpower and self discipline?
Developing willpower and self-discipline can make a great difference in your life, bringing to the fore, inner strength, which is vital for success and for personal growth.
The possession of these skills or their lack is a major factor, leading to success or to failure, to taking action or to being lazy. This applies to major goals, and also to simple, everyday tasks.
These abilities are vital ingredients of success, both spiritual and material.
How many times you wanted to go for a walk, knowing how wonderful you feel afterwards, but due to laziness or lack of inner strength, you stayed at home and watched TV instead?
How many times have you tried to change your eating habits, stop smoking, or get up earlier in the morning, but you didn’t possess enough inner strength and persistence?
Do you start doing things, but quit after a short while?
You can change this behavior when you develop inner strength!
Let’s examine these skills.
The ability to control or reject unnecessary or harmful impulses.
The ability to arrive at a decision and follow it with perseverance, until its successful accomplishment.
It is the inner strength that enables you to refuse to indulge in unnecessary and useless habits.
It is inner power that enables you to overcome inner and external resistance and obstacles.
It is the antidote to laziness and procrastination.
Self Discipline Definitions:
It is the companion of willpower. It gives you with the stamina to persevere with whatever you do.
It is the strength to withstand physical, emotional and mental hardships and difficulties.
It stands for perseverance and tenacity.
It is the ability to reject immediate satisfaction, pleasure or comfort, in order to gain something better, even if it requires effort and time to gain.
With these skills, you have the option to choose your behavior and reactions, instead of being ruled by them. They make you feel more powerful and in charge of yourself.
There is a misconception in the public mind regarding these skills. It is erroneously believed that their development and use require a lot of mental and physical strain and effort. This is not true. You can develop them in a gradual, simple way, by practicing certain exercises, and even enjoy the process.
How to Strengthen Your Willpower and Self Discipline
A simple and effective technique to strengthen your willpower and self-discipline is doing things, which you would rather avoid doing, due to laziness, procrastination, lack of inner strength and assertiveness, shyness, or other similar reasons.
By carrying out such actions, in spite of your inner resistance, you become stronger.
As muscles get stronger by resisting the weight of barbells, so these skills are strengthened by overcoming inner resistance.
Willpower and Self Discipline Exercises
Exercise no. 1
You are sitting in a bus or train and an old man or woman, or a pregnant lady walks in. Stand up and give up your seat, even if you prefer to stay seated. Act so, not just because it is polite, but because you are doing something that you are reluctant to do. This is an exercise in overcoming the resistance of your body, mind and feelings.
Exercise no. 2
There are dishes in the sink that need washing, and you postpone washing them for later. Get up and wash them now. Do not let laziness control you. When you know that in this way, you are actually strengthening yourself, it becomes easier to take immediate action, despite laziness and the desire to procrastinate.
Exercise no. 3
You come home from work and sit in front of the T.V., because you feel too lazy and too tired to take a shower first. Do not succumb to the desire to sit in front of the T.V, and go take a shower immediately.
Exercise no. 4
Do you like your coffee with sugar? If you do, then for one whole week drink it without sugar. Do you drink three cups of coffee each day? If you do, then drink only two cups a day for one whole week. Such exercises prove to you that you can control or change your habits, and this inner strength.
Exercise no. 5
Do you, like many others, like to read some unimportant gossip in the newspaper or magazine? Then, for one whole week, abstain from doing so. This might not be easy, but it’s good for your training. I am not telling you to do so indefinitely, but for only one week.
Exercise no. 6
If you have the choice of going up with the elevator or climbing the stairs, choose climbing the stairs. However, climb the stairs only if it’s not a high storey, and you are in good physical condition.
You will find many more exercises in my book about this topic.
These are very simple exercises, which everyone can practice. Remember, the purpose of the exercises is to develop inner strength, not to make life difficult for you.
If you practice weight lifting, running or aerobics, you strengthen your muscles, and therefore, you can use your physical strength whenever you need it.
It is the same with willpower and self-discipline. When you strengthen them, you make them available for use, whenever you need them. They give you more control over your life, help you change and improve habits, and are essential for personal and spiritual growth and for achieving success. source: http://www.successconsciousness.com/
What does language learning have to do with career advancement? I thought of this when (just last week) I went with my kids to execute a 7/11 run for slurpees. The dry cleaners next door had this sign and I just had to take a picture:
What’s great about the sign is that they repeated the exact same thing three times. You can’t help but understand that they provide a high quality service at the lowest price.
Clear message, repeated several times. source: https://thedailysaint.squarespace.com
For those of us who have been using our computers, smartphones and tablets solely for the purposes of entertainment, it’s time for an important realization: they are the ultimate tools for growth and self-education. Public libraries are also a huge source of knowledge. You can choose any printed or online material you find enjoyable and use your weekends for self-development.
Needless to say, independent learning is a journey that requires great commitment. The online world is full of distractions, so you need to remind yourself of your purpose and work a lot on your discipline. The following 20 tips will help you adopt the right attitude that will get you through a successful journey for self-education.
1. Prepare a studying environment
Since you don’t have a classroom to keep you as focused as possible, you have to create your own studying space (learn the details on how to do that fromEdutopia article). It’s important to organize a desk for that purpose. Get a comfortable chair, a laptop, the books and notebooks you need, and some pens/pencils/markers. As soon as you sit on that chair, your mind will be prepared to commit to the goal of learning.
2. Get a dictionary
Of course, you can also use an online dictionary like Merriam-Webster orDictionary.com, but you also need a printed dictionary that you’ll use when you’re studying from books. Studies, textbooks and other important materials are often written in a highly intellectual language, so you’ll need interpretations to understand what the authors are trying to say.
You have to highlight all important things! Get some markers for the prints and use the highlighting feature on your eReader to put an accent on the crucial elements of the text.
4. Learn from different mediums
Read relevant articles, journals and books, attend seminars, watch TV documentaries, and get college/university textbooks from the niche of your interests! Experiment with different mediums and focus on the one that inspires you the most. However, don’t limit yourself to a single source of knowledge; make sure to experiment and benefit from information in all forms.
5. Follow up on the references
When you’re reading serious materials, you’ll find references from books, scientific articles, statistical sources, and other types of publications that helped the author support the facts. Find those materials and you’ll gain a whole new dimension of the topic you’re focused on.
6. Talk to experts
You can learn a lot from meaningful conversations. Find people who are experts on the topics of your interests and ask questions. Nothing beats one-to-one communication with inspiring people.
7. Study every day!
It’s better to study for half an hour every single day than to binge study for an entire weekend and then forget about your goal for the next several days (for example, this story written by Rachen Bryan explains why binge studying can be bad for your health). Routine is important! Organize your learning schedule in short, frequent sessions that will keep you focused on the material. Check out Steve’s steps to an effective study routine
8. Don’t assume everything you read is true
Even when you find the most relevant sources to study from, you can never assume the things you read are 100% true. When you use different studying materials, some of them may be in contradiction to the things you already know. Make sure to get to the bottom of the issue by conducting an in-depth research.
9. Join online communities of learners and methods
Brilliant minds attract each other. You don’t want to study in isolation, so make sure to find the right subreddit communities and LinkedIn groups that will connect you to people you can learn from.
10. Make learning your lifestyle
As you gain more knowledge and you start understanding how things work, you might lose your ability to wonder. Don’t allow that to happen! Ask more questions and discover new things every single day!
11. Search for online courses
Many reputable universities are offering free online courses on websites likeUdemy, Coursera, edX, and other popular websites. If you want to be different from the crowd of online learners, you might want to try unexpected sources of knowledge. There are plenty of online destinations that allow you to gain the knowledge you need, so don’t forget to explore this elearning infographic before comitting to a particular online course.
12. Get information from news aggregators
Instead of checking different websites, you can stay updated with the trends if you follow news aggregators like Fark, Google News and Feedly.
13. Don’t just read. Review!
Make sure to make a summary of the things you’ve learned that day. Take notes and review them once you finish the learning session. This practice will help you to absorb the material much more easily.
14. Set goals
It’s important to develop a habit of learning. That’s why you need to set monthly and daily goals, and give yourself a motivation to accomplish them. Discover S.M.A.R.T goal setting.
15. Write essays and research papers!
Do you know what can inspire you to learn more? Writing! Pick a great topic and write a detailed essay or research paper on it. Publish these papers on your own blog and get into discussions with the community of followers you attract. If you don’t believe writing can help, read about its psychological benefits here.
If you want a proof that you’ve gained enough knowledge – start teaching. You can become a private tutor, but you can also start offering your own online courses. There are awesome free course authoring tools you can use to help other people learn the things you know.
17. Have a schedule
Self-education should be a commitment, not a pastime. Make sure to fit it in your schedule as a regular activity with deadlines and responsibilities.
18. Take notes!
You need to maintain a journal that will remind you of everything you love about learning. Write about all realizations and goals! You can use Penzu or another online journal that will keep your notes private, or play with other methods of digitizing your study notes.
19. Every obstacle is a chance to expand
You’ll face disappointment, discouragement, confusion and lack of inspiration. If you make an effort to surpass all these obstacles, you’ll grow into the committed person you always wanted to be.
20. Say YES to new experiences
Since you have the liberty to develop your own learning style, you have to infuse some practical experience into this journey. Write a blog, teach other people, or find a way to implement everything you learn into your traditional education or the job you have.
Are you up for the challenge?
The human mind has a huge power that not all people understand. Most of us are happy enough with the education we get at school, but we can achieve much greater heights when we get out of those boundaries. Are you up for the challenge? Since all resources are out there, there is no reason to delay your journey through self-education any longer. source: http://www.developgoodhabits.com/
We rush through our days with so much to do, so much we should be doing, so much we’re missing out on … but how often do we stop to appreciate the place where we are right now?
I don’t mean to focus on the journey, because that’s many different places … but instead to focus on where you are at this particular time. The physical place you’re in, the emotional state you’re in, the phase you are in life.
Pause for a moment, right now, to notice where you are.
What is it like? What is the light like? What about the sounds, the smells, the feelings your body is feeling, the people around you? What is your state of mind? What are you worried about, joyful about? What is stopping you from appreciating this moment?
Find something to be grateful about where you are: if you’re around someone you love, enjoy that. If you’re doing something that makes the world a better place, be happy about that. If you’re in someplace beautiful, be thankful for that.
What if you don’t like where you are? This is something to appreciate as well. Stop and feel your emotions about where you are. See that you are hurting. See that you wish things to be different. How does that feel in your body? Allow it to happen, and realize that it is temporary but a part of life. Not good or bad, just happening.
Then think about all the things you aren’t suffering from: If you aren’t in a war-torn area of the world, give thanks to the stars. If you aren’t suffering from health problems, aren’t sleeping on the streets, aren’t about to die … that’s a minor miracle. You are alive, and life is a wondrous thing to participate in. – source: http://zenhabits.net/ Universal Life Secrets
For a successful business to really come together, you need so many different factors to work out perfectly. You need a great idea, a way to create it, marketing, a great team, and so much more.
This week, members of the small business community shared tips ranging from how to launch an invention to managing your social media presence. Read on for the full list in this week’s Small Business Trends Community News and Information Roundup.
Turn Your Invention Ideas into Products
Getting a great idea for a new invention is certainly a big part of the process. But you need an actual plan if you’re going to turn that invention into a best-selling product. Alex Liu shares some tips for turning invention ideas into actual products.
There are several different tools that businesses can use for training remote employees or other team members. Blab is a new social media tool that can be used for that very purpose. Fiona Pollock discusses some of the pros and cons of Blab.
Technology has had a huge impact on the information companies can gather about their customer base. And that data has had a huge impact on how companies market to those customers. To ensure that your company doesn’t fall behind, Benjamin Spiegel suggests that every marketing department should have a data scientist.
Make Your eCommerce Warehouse Work
There are so many different factors that go into running a successful eCommerce business. The details and logistics that go into running an eCommerce warehouse are incredibly important. Jess Lawrence shares some tips for running an eCommerce warehouse that actually works.
Clearance sales are often used to just clear out old or unwanted inventory to make room for new items. But you can still use those sales to benefit your business and your overall marketing strategy. Susan Payton shares some tips for successful clearance sales.
Create Better Visual Content Marketing with These Tools
I have a piece of literature I love – It was written by the late William Penn Patrick in approximately 1970. Enjoy.
„No person, ideal or institution becomes great until Great Resistance has been encountered. Greatness cannot be achieved until this concept is understood.
Unfortunately, the average person is ignorant of this rule to achievement. Mr. and Miss Average, in their ignorance, are fearful and reluctant to encounter even slight resistance. They don’t want to make waves or be criticized and they incorrectly feel that criticism will hold them back and prevent their happiness from being realized. In truth, the opposite is the case.
Take note: when we begin to change our jobs, we are first given resistance by our loved ones, for they fear change because change means facing the unknown! When we begin to make rapid achievement or commitment to rapid progress, we have road blocks thrown up by our friends and relations. They begin to resist by negative comments and actions which are devices to cause you to maintain the ’status quo‘.
Now, if you are to achieve great progress, you must prevail against those closest to you; this is difficult and requires courage because you desire to please and not hurt those you love. The truth is that great harm befalls your loved ones when you fail to be yourself and do your thing. This is so, because you lose your enthusiasm for life, your growth process stops and your self-esteem diminishes.
Those negatives are revered when you stand your ground; and when you have prevailed, your loved ones gain a new and higher respect for you. History records countless events which prove the point. For an example, the greatest of all men overcame the most severe form of resistance and in so doing gave birth to Christianity. Had Jesus Christ run from His opposition, we would not know His name today, nor would we have available for our use those great and wonderful truths He brought forth for us so that humanity could find their individual greatness.
Furthermore, Christianity met „its“ greatest resistance in Rome. Thousands of Christians were crucified in Rome. This resistance was met and in so doing, gave life to the force of Christianity, and Rome became the center of all Christianity – now, and for the past 1700 years, Rome has remained the very center of the Christian world.
Let these great lessons of the past stay in our mind as a beacon in our personal and corporate future. Let us understand and be grateful that our ideas have proven worthy of tremendous resistance. Today, all over the world, great forces have risen to resist our growth. These forces fear us for what we represent and they are attempting to destroy us and our dreams.
Our understanding of this phenomenon and our strength of character and our commitment to our way of life is prevailing over these forces which have risen up. We are fortunate to have such great resistance. This resistance is evidence of our greatness and it provides us with the energy to prevail, to conquer and to dominate. These next few short years will record a brilliant history and establish a permanent place for our way of life – which is Freedom to be and to work out our dreams for a great world, for ourselves, for children and all humankind.
Understand our battle and be glorified that you are a part of the making of history. The work you do today in the defense of our way will provide new freedom and hope for millions yet to come. Stand tall in the face of our enemy…your resolution and commitment will seize his heart with fear and he will fade into oblivion. And that is the law of life.“
“I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
-Henry David Thoreau
Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about how to know when to quit your job. The response was pretty big. A few of you even decided it was time to pull the rip cord and stop doing mind numbing work. Hats off! It’s an admirable step.
Then last week’s Ask the Reader post – “What fear is keeping you from doing work you love?”, went off the charts. Out of the 520+ responses, many of them pointed to confusions of passion and purpose. Whether you’re leaving a job or going through a massive life transition (or think you will in the future), this article’s for you.
And in your honor, I’ve put together some very powerful free workbooks and tools in the Live Your Legend Passionate Work Toolkit. They’ve already helped well over 100,000 people and can make a big difference if you put them to use.
You can access them below this article.
Now let’s dig in…
Life transitions are ridiculously fragile times.
Especially when they involve being fired or quitting a job you’ve had for years. Emotions often go crazy. Feelings of fear, uncertainty and panic start to flood. We’ve all been there.
But it also happens to be the most powerful opportunity many of us are given when it comes to doing work we love – if used properly.
The problem is that we tend to make awful decisions when grounded in fear. Long-term thinking flies out the window and we immediately start thinking survival. “What can I do right this second to solve this seemingly terrible problem?” But in sprinting for an immediate solution, we can completely miss the chance of a lifetime.
We need to change that.
It’s time to talk about the smart thing to do the moment you decide it’s time to go (and what to do in the weeks and months leading up to it, so you don’t panic when it’s time to change).
Coincidentally, the morning I published the post about how to know when it’s time to quit, I happened to have breakfast with a close friend and loyal reader. He had just gotten laid off from a finance job he was very proud of and that he worked his ass off to get.
We spent the next hour talking next steps – the advice I gave him is not typical and very contrary to human nature.
You deserve the same.
After endless experiences of my own and those close to me, I’ve realized there is only one thing worth doing the moment you quit, get fired or make any big transition. It’s something I tell every one of the now thousands of folks who have faced this challenge and come to me for help. Ready for it?
But first, an important disclaimer: Everyone’s situation and needs are different, so obviously do what’s right for you, your family, life, etc. The important point here is to get ahead of the panic and do whatever you can to create the space to make the right long-term decisions going forward. Ideally you get proactive and do most or all of these things long before you quit or get fired.
OK, so the one thing everyone must do the moment they quit or get fired is…
Don’t do a damn thing. Nothing at all. Got that?
For at least the first 2-3 weeks (and ideally a few months) DO NOT do any of the following:
Find any job you can get your hands on
Start interviewing like crazy
Take the first offer that comes to you
Panic and run around in circles
The worst thing you can do, and what almost everyone does, is scramble to immediately find something else.
Avoid the temptation. All this is going to do is put you in the same place you were before you left. That is not what I call progress.
First off, deal with the fear by realizing a couple things:
It’s never as bad as you think. You’re not going to starve and go homeless. And there’s likely something a lot more interesting in store.
You have more options than you realize. If you got fired, then you’re likely getting severance or unemployement. Okay great, you’re not going to die of hunger. If you quit or otherwise chose your transition, remember you saw this coming. So calm down. Take a breath or two.
Now that you’ve stopped freaking out, realize that you have the rare opportunity to be unhurried and intentional about what you do next.
You have a clear and open window to actually understand what you’re here to do. To slow down, think, reflect and take stock of what you’ve learned and do something meaningful with it.
This opportunity is better than gold. The problem is that most people piss it away.
Respect it. Then do something with it. Here are a few ideas…
7 Ways to Do Nothing (and have a chance at finding your purpose in the process):
1. Travel. Take off and get as far out of town as possible. I still trace my year and a half in Sevilla, Spain as the most defining experience in how I see the world. Without experiencing an entirely new way of doing things, I would surely still be listening to what everyone else says, and Live Your Legend definitely would not exist.
Go alone or grab someone close and just explore. The more foreign your destination, the better. Get out for as long as you can. At least a few weeks, but ideally a few months or even a year. You’d be surprised how much cheaper many places are around the world than your hometown and regular fixed cost-filled routine.
2. Check out a meditation retreat. Have you ever felt what it’s like to sit and do nothing for a few hours, a day, or a week or more on end? Now that life has finally slowed down, take some time to embrace it.
Check out spots around your area or maybe find one out in a place like India or Bhutan and tie it into your travels. If you want to get really into doing nothing, pick a silent retreat. It’s time to get in touch with parts of our minds and bodies that have long gone neglected.
3. Write. Buy a journal or open up a blank doc on your computer and begin to write what comes to mind. Make it a daily routine. Better yet, do it on your meditation/travel adventure. You’re welcome to use a blog or forum if you’re used to it (here’s a video I made on how to start a blog in under 10 minutes with zero tech experience).
Start in the morning when your mind is clear and take notes throughout the day as things come to mind. Maybe you’ll come back to what you wrote. Maybe you won’t. What matters is you start to reflect. The key is to constantly get your ideas out of your head. Only then will you be able to make real sense of them.
4. Do a cleanse or take on a physical challenge. Do something you haven’t done but have always wondered about. Maybe a Master Cleanse, a juice fast, eating vegan and raw for a few weeks or attempting your first urbanathlon or half or full marathon. Push yourself. See how you feel. Write down some thoughts as the experience unfolds.
5. Get inspired. Surround yourself with people you admire or go off all alone with your favorite music or motivating movies. Dust off Rocky I or Vision Quest if the underdog story is what fires you up. Listen to one of Tony Robbins’ CD programs such as Get The Edge or attend one of his seminars like Unleash the Power Within. Pick anything that’s been on your list or you know will get you inspired. Take note of where your mind takes you.
6. Dream. When was the last time you sat down and dreamed huge, without someone telling you were crazy? Go out in nature, maybe lie out on your back and stare at the clouds. Think of the craziest, biggest (and smallest) dreams you’ve ever imagined. What did you use to imagine before the world told you it wasn’t possible? Go back to your days as a five-year-old if you must. Write everything down. No filtering. Notice how it feels.
7. Learn about yourself. All these steps are designed to help you better understand who you are – to help you find the things you may have never realized you were looking for. To understand your values, strengths, natural talents, passions and figuring out how you actually define success (instead of the BS scripted societal version most of us are running off of). Something that most people never make the time to do. That’s not going to be you. Learn with no expectation and no agenda. Only under those conditions is where one’s purpose can emerge.
To kick things off, I’d take a few minutes and watch my TEDx talk on How to Find & Do Work You Love.
In it, I dissect our proprietary 3-step Passionate Work Framework and how you can start to apply it to your world. So far, the talk has been viewed over 1.7 million times, ranks in the top 20 of over 40,000 talks and seems to have helped a lot of people. I hope it gives you the start you need…
You might also want to check out our Live Off Your Passion Guided-Discovery course. Most of the above steps, the TEDx framework and a ton more are covered in some deep detail. It’s not a bad place to start, especially to serve as a road map during a time where specific guidance and step-by-step directions can help a ton. But more important than anything, start learning, any way you can. More details below.
“Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.” – Washington Irving
Realize you have the biggest opportunity in the world.
Losing your job is not a disaster. Quitting is not the end of everything certain in life. There is a better path for you. Now you get to find it. Take it seriously, and it just might change your life.
Or you could just roll right into whatever comes your way next. That’d be the easy way. But I think you know better by now.
And beware, many of you will read this and perhaps feel inspired for the moment, but when the sh*t hits the fan you’re gong to be tempted to scramble in a fury. This is normal. Recognize it, but don’t give it control. It is not as bad as you think. Find a reason for it. Let it serve you and be inspired to do something with it.
Be intentional. The sleepwalking has gone on long enough.
When I left my soul-crushing job seven years ago, I went straight to the ATM to get some money out for dinner that night. That’s when it really hit me – that was the biggest my bank account would be in a long time. It was at that moment when I wish I had the advice I’m giving you.
After some painful worst-case thinking, I accepted my situation (which I had created). I embraced it. Then I promised myself I wouldn’t do a thing for 3 months – no matter what. All I did was read, learned and explored.
I want the same for you.
After our breakfast, the next stop for my buddy was a four-day mountain biking retreat. I wonder what he’ll realize while he’s out there… It’s impossible to know. But doing nothing is the only way to find out.
Update: A couple years later, he’s now running a successful mountain bike touring company in Northern California. Beats the hell out finance. 😉
I give you this advice because there’s nothing I care more about than helping people take the steps to live a life and create a career of meaning. Often this means acting against human nature and against what the majority tell you.
Get used to it. Where we’re going, there’s no room for average.
So, are you ready to do nothing?
And if you want some very in-depth (and proven) guidance…
Check out Live Off Your Passion – a resource to find and do work you love
As mentioned above, I recently released an update version a powerful award-winning career change course called Live Off Your Passion Guided-Discovery: An Unconventional Guide to Finding Passion and Building a Career around Work You Love. I’ve spent the last few years doing countless case studies and interviews in developing the course. It’s turned out to be pretty useful tool for those of you at the “do nothing” purpose-finding stage (or are still at that job you know isn’t you).
IT ALSO COMES WITH A GUARANTEE THAT KEEPS YOU FROM HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT RISK: IF YOU DON’T START DOING WORK YOU LOVE IN 90 DAYS, YOU GET A FULL REFUND, AND I’LL COACH YOU FOR FREE.
I want you to be successful!
Of course, only consider buying it if you truly plan to do the work involved. For those of you ready for some self-discovery, this may be a good place to start.
It’s time to start doing what matters. When is now a good time? – source: http://liveyourlegend.net/
Not all relationships make us feel like we’re living in a fairy tale.
In fact, relationships can be hard. Real hard.
They can cause us to totally lose ourselves. They can make us feel weighed down and even trapped.
Sometimes our relationship can lead us to lose confidence in ourselves, stop doing the things that are important to us, compromise our lives for our partner and sometimes our personality even starts to change.
This can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it’s our own fault. We get lazy and neglect areas of our life as soon as we enter into a relationship.
Other times it can be because our partner is insecure or mistrusting. They may make us feel guilty for doing the things that are important to us – and so we lose a big part of ourselves.
To help you figure out if you’re losing yourself (and if some big changes are needed in your life) here are 7 very reliable indicators.
1. You compromise your needs and interests to keep your partner happy
Do you feel guilty when you do the things you love? Do you somehow get the feeling that your partner doesn’t like you to do certain things…
For example hanging out with your friends or going to certain places that you really enjoy? And as a result you start to neglect those parts of your life in order to avoid conflict or feeling guilty?
If your partner is quite insecure, this can be a huge problem in a relationship as your partner will often prevent you from doing a lot of things that make them feel uncomfortable, even if these things are very important to you.
2. You seek your partner’s approval before making simple decisions
Are you afraid to make decisions without your partner’s approval? Do you worry that they will be unhappy with the decisions that you make? If so then you might also find that this makes you feel less independent and confident as a person.
As individuals we need to feel as though we are capable of making our own choices – we need to feel like our own person in order to not lose ourselves in our relationship.
3. Your social life is failing miserably
Let’s face it. It’s all too easy to neglect our social life when we first meet that prince charming or gorgeous girl. Naturally you become obsessed with each other at first glance and simply prefer each other’s company above all other. And slowly you start to fall away from your friends.
But then one day after the butterflies start to wear off and you begin craving that regular social life again, you realize that you’ve got yourself into a bit of a rut. You’ve lost touch with a lot of friends.
This not only makes us feel lonely but can have a big impact on our level of self-confidence and can make us feel overly dependent on our partner.
4. You deeply miss the freedom of a single life
Do you feel a bit like a bird with clipped wings and like you don’t have the freedom to do the things you love?
A relationship should really be a place where we feel more supported than ever. Our partner should be the one person who encourages us to do the things that we love and that make us happy. Unfortunately however this is not always the case – and that can really cause us to lose ourselves in our relationship.
5. You’ve lost sight of your dreams and passions
Did you used to be a dreamer? Were you more determined and motivated in the past to work towards your goals? Often when we feel like we have lost ourselves in our relationship, it’s because we have pushed our dreams, passions and desires to the side.
Maybe you feel like your partner doesn’t like it when you’re too ambitious or passionate or perhaps you just got lazy overtime. Our dreams and passions give us a sense of purpose, importance and individuality in our lives. They play a huge role in making us who we are.
6. Your self-confidence is lacking more than ever
Have you gone from being a reasonably confident and self-assured person to feeling needy and dependent on your partner?
When we seek our partner’s approval too often, become overly dependent on our partner, neglect our social life and lose sight of who we truly are – like mentioned above – our self-confidence naturally starts to drop.
Self-confidence is a by-product of having a strong sense of self, feeling like we’re achieving our personal goals and aspirations and feeling able and independent. Losing self-confidence while in a relationship is a sure sign that you’re starting to lose yourself.
7. You’re desperate to feel like ‘you’ again!
Are you feeling frustrated with the way your life looks at the moment? Do you feel a strong urge to start living your life differently to how your partner wants you to live or how you are currently living?
Are you desperate to reclaim a strong sense of identity and self-confidence again? If so then I think it’s fair to say that you’re struggling to be yourself in your relationship. And that it’s time for some changes!
IT’S TIME TO RECLAIM YOURSELF
There’s nothing worse than feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore. Feeling weighed down, insecure, needy, dependent, like you don’t have the freedom to do the things you love – these are all things that you shouldn’t have to live with.
It’s time to claim back your identity, your self-confidence and start being ‘you’ again!
Only you have control over your life – at the end of the day, you give the final vote to how you should be living your life.
Think about the changes that need to be made in your life. Talk to your partner about how you feel. And have the courage to make the necessary changes so that you can reclaim yourself!
Hopefully your partner will make some necessary changes too and support you.
Whatever happens, just remind yourself that you are valuable and that you deserve to be a confident, independent and happy person.
In my book I provide many powerful and simple strategies that you can use immediately to start being ‘you’ again. Not only will it help you to find yourself again but your relationship will also transform. Grab you copy here.
Most motivated people are seen as some of the most positive people in the world. And, the truth is we are. But we also have a side of us that wants nothing to do with anything that is going to slow us down, or stop us from being who we are capable of. We’re focused, determined and positive. We have high standards and there are certain things that are just unacceptable for motivated people.
Are you kidding me? Did I really just sit through this meeting or event that had no relevance to the work I do, or want do? You see time is THE THING you have on your side and you don’t want to waste any of it. You treat time like gold and hate when it’s thrown away, because you know you will never get it back. Of course we will all waste some time, but motivated people don’t stay there.
“I wasted time, and now time wastes me.” – William Shakespeare
Being around critics
Motivated people are doers. Doers understand just how difficult it is to do. The last thing motivated people want to is be around are people who don’t do, but talk badly about the people who do. Motivated people would much rather hear the criticisms from someone who has done, as opposed to someone looking to tear someone down.
“I’ve been all over the world and I’ve never seen a statue of a critic.” – Leonard Bernstein
Being around unmotivated people
Motivated people realize their potential and what’s possible for them. At times motivated people can feel confused as to why others cannot see all the amazing potential they have within them. We are goal oriented and want to be around other likeminded people. We understand that who we spend our time with directly impacts our future and we want to make sure we are around other ambitious, purpose driven people. No offense unmotivated people, we don’t hate you, but we just can’t give you all of our time.
“People are not lazy, they simply have impotent goals…that is…goals that do not inspire them.” Tony Robbins
Not all TV is terrible for you, but most is. Documentaries, movies and shows that push your thinking, trigger deep emotions inspire creativity are amazing and useful. But watching hours of “reality TV”, will literally destroy your dreams, goals and priorities. We’ve all been there, stuck in front of the TV. We think it’s only been 20 minutes and then before you know it 3-4 hours has gone by. We hate that trap!
“Most people gaze neither into the past nor the future; they explore neither truth nor lies. They gaze at the television.” – Radiohead
Too many days off
While I was living in India, I went on vacation to Thailand for 3 weeks. We came back after two weeks…I missed my blog too much. We all love vacations, but when Seth Godin said “let’s design a life we don’t need to escape from”, he was right. Motivated people don’t want a break they want to build. They want to take the time, energy, blood, sweat and tears to build their dream lifestyle. A few days off in a row is amazing, but too many days… and we’re over it.
“A good vacation is over when you begin to yearn for your work.” -Morris Fishbein
Being told to slow down (even though we probably need to!)
Let us move fast. Let us fail fast. Let us move at the pace we believe is the best fit for right now. If we have to slow down, we will. But, we hate being told that. We think that other people that don’t have the same goals and vision as us, just don’t understand and can’t relate. We’re moving fast, just sit back and enjoy the show!
[Side note: No matter how motivated and driven you are, you always need rest to take care of your mind, body and spirit! ]
“Be quick, but don’t hurry.” John Wooden
Being told to think smaller
Another toxic concept for motivated people! We just can’t think small. It’s not in our DNA. We think big, think fast and then move on it. It’s the possibility of the dream coming true that excites us enough to day action, day in and day out.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” – Nelson Mandela
No, no, no, we can’t do that. Of course at some point in your life you feel the safety in blending in and going with the flow. But as our confidence and our motivation to succeed grow, so does our desire to stand out. We can’t find any reason to blend in and not shine. Motivated people believe that success is always within reach but we will never reach it if we stay with the crowd.
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then, you have to play better than anyone else.” – Albert Einstein
We fear not having enough energy. We hate having low energy. Motivated people party late less (of course we still have fun!), knowing that the hangover really translates to a day lost, wasted away. We workout hard and work late, but we stay away from things that will drain our energy both physically and mentally.
Short as life is, we make it still shorter by the careless waste of time. –Victor Hugo
Good is the enemy to great. And, good is so dangerous because sometimes it can look like great. We don’t want to be average, we don’t want people to think we’re average and most importantly we don’t want to think of ourselves as average. And it’s more than a thought and feeling, we are willing to work for it. We strive to do the best we can in all areas of live and see average as our enemy. We don’t want to just be great in one area, like just finances, or only career or only in our relationships. We want the whole package to be great and we willing to put the work in to ensure that happens.
“Success and average have nothing to do with each other.” – Eric Thomas
Just so we are clear, motivated people are not hateful. We are just so committed and passionate to bringing out our best, every day we are alive. We don’t take this one life we’ve been given for granted and we want to be around other people who feel the same way. source: http://everydaypowerblog.com Universal Life Secrets